| Sex and Death |
[15 Feb 2008|02:53am] |
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okay... I just cried my eyes out because of Casualty.
and I actually thought she was dead, until the whirring of the oxygen machine at the end, and I still cried even then x] Im a baby, I know it, but damn I love good acting and I love good dramas that can make you cry like this xD Oh and btw, Valentines Day? Not too bad. =]
Playscheme in the morning, followed by a spot of shopping looking for my special gift =] haven't found it yet, but Im off to St Fagans tomorrow, so Im hoping something might turn up there =]
Then an afternoon nap with the wierdest dream I had since the Trelawney Road dream followed by a lazy evening and a cuppa with martha. That cuppa was the most hilarious one Ive had in a while, had a proper catch up with M about all things, love related, life related, and bullshit related.
Then ate aero mousses, tried to find out what it would be like if we were genuinely HUGELY fat xD and sang (and choreographed dance routines I might add :P) to the Late Night Love show on RedDragon :] Ive had some lovely chats today as well, and well I hope that firstly, everyones Valentines Day was lovely, or.. bearable at least! And I also hope that the news Im waiting for is good, cause that'd be lovely, so although I havent told you what it is, just keep your fingers crossed for me okay? =] Lovely, Im going to bitch and appraise tattoo designs now, and see if I cant find something else to watch on BBC IPlayer =] Love you all, =] xxxx Lenny xxxxx
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[13 Feb 2008|02:03am] |
I know that Valentines Day is a load of commerical crap, in fact, I swore that if I was going to get anything, it would be nothing advertised as a "Valentines Day present"
but its still a bit.. of a lame feeling to think youre going to be on your own on the day thats meant to be all romantic and stuff... especially when theres someone you'd much prefer to be with.
Its like, Im torn between my sense, and the sort of, more awake version of me lol, and the romantic daydreamer in me.
Even if I do end up going out in the night to celebrate Zoe's birthday, which seems like a good idea, I still would so much prefer a cuddle with someone.
Watching a naff movie all cuddled up and what not sounds fabulous.
So Valentines Day is serving its purpose, making the single feel lonely and realise what theyre missing out on, no matter how commercial it may be...
Ahh... -.- lame.
xxxLennyxxx
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[11 Feb 2008|01:48am] |
The simplest things can make you feel SO happy :]
I havent exactly been upset!
Its been an immense weekend :]
Laughing so much i think i actually strained my stomach muscles xD
Everything is working out really well, good days at work, good nights with friends, and now? Knowing that someone special thinks youre actually Priceless.
In the most sincere sense someone told me tonight that to them i was priceless and nothing could ever be traded in for me!
I tried to let them know how lovely that was but i really hope they dont think i was exaggerating. It was so lovely of them, not asked for, but totally welcomed... They truly are a lovely person and oh so special to me ^__^
Still waiting for the letter from the geneticist.. which could mean that whilst waiting im feeding something messed up in me, but dont worry, if im going to get breast cancer, im going to get it either way. Ill kick ass so lets just take it as it goes :]
Im well hungry now, and i have playscheme tomorrow really early, this is my first step to getting back into my faith.
Im going to go back to what i love best, working with the kids and just having a good time with them in the presence of some people who believe without being "supreme." Should be good :]
Good friends.
Good times with friends.
Laughter.
Being appreciated.
Having someone to appreciate.
Good music (major tones baby.)
And what else?
a stupid happy feeling that what is to come will kick ass.
So.. lj, and my avid audience.
Night :]
And I really hope youre all doing well, even those who may not wish the same upon me.
xxx Lenny xxx
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| We can make miracles, if we believe. (8) |
[07 Feb 2008|05:01pm] |
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I think i was expecting a miracle to happen overnight or something so i guess its my fault im a little disappointed. xD
I dont know if things will ever get better, maybe they will. But hopefully they wont get worse.
My foot, has now officially been dead for most of the day, and i dont care what martha says, my toe is fractured. Im literally in agony about it.
I think my body is just constantly retarded. Falling apart at the seams!
But the good news is my shoulder is back in place and staying there lol.
Today wasnt too bad, went to Café Mao and had a proper lunch with martha, chatting away and just being trendy.Then went to the common for an hours sleep on the chairs but that only meant that come 14:30 when i was rudely woken up i was grouchy and felt like a walking zombie.
damnit xD
Going to the cinema tonight though, to see Cloverfield, and tbh im really looking forward to it.
i havent done something so simple in a long time, and im looking forward to eating popcorn and being entertained for an hour or so.
Although i have to admit, the cinema will never be the same for me unless i can get a tango blast.. cherry flavoured of course. But seeing as our cinemas dont do them ill make do with sweets, but i will have a tantrum or strop. cause im cool.
I kind of miss you you know, havent spoken to you in a few days but youd swear it was longer. I guess thats what happens when you let yourself get attached.
But i just enjoy your company so much. Hopefully we'll talk soon =] Before i go out dressed as a school girl tomorrow night.
Yes.. i am the epitomy of coolness.
SOOOooo.
Going to go play the wii for a bit, then off to the cinema in my trendy Circus of Horrors skinny tshirt which makes my boobs look big and my skinny jeans which makes my ass look small. Score.
Umm yeah, talk to you soon oh avid audience of LJ.
xxx Lenny xxx
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[07 Feb 2008|12:09am] |
I was looking through old photos of us today, putting them onto a disk to keep in a box of memories and stuff. It was nice to see those photos and remember how good things used to be between us. But it made me think about how we can barely hold a conversation anymore. I dont let it upset me because, thats not going to do either of us any good, but its such a shame, we used to have really nice chats. The ironic thing is i cant even talk to you about this, and wouldnt want to cause i reckon i could predict how you would react. I hope things sort themselves out between us i just dont know what i can do to help..
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Why did that bother me? something as little as that... I guess i just want to know whats appropriate to say between us you know, now that things are progressing.. I dont want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything but i want to be able to say how i feel.. or know if thats not the right thing to do. I know that people have been getting on your case a bit lately, and im really sorry i cant do much to help, i wish i could and if you need me for anything that i can physically do you know where to find me. I hope im not making things any worse, im trying not to be too ghey but its not always easy being a woman you know, womanly habits that i guess i need to break. lol. but i hope you know you mean a lot to me.
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Im really looking forward to tomorrow, the simplicity of it is just making me smile inside. We've gone out drinking together more times than i could possibly count, and its just nice to do something really simple. We should definitely do it again one night with all of us, the old gang, from the days when everything was way simpler (although we probably found something to moan about lol, in maths too.) I know that i talk a lot about my feelings and stuff, especially lately, and i hope you've noticed that theyre more happy than they used to be, but it does help to be able to vent and make sense of everything that i feel, and im so happy you understand that and help me with it. But if you ever need me to listen i hope you know i will <u> always </u> be there. no matter what time it is or what im doing im there for you. I love you ghey.
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| Yay :] |
[01 Feb 2008|09:22pm] |
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Even though its only 9:10 and normally thats early for me, this night has been immense :D
Went to the New Theatre in my sexy new shoes which make me feel well sexy and sophisticated to see Circus of Horrors =D
The show was actually amazing! I saw a guy lift planks of wood and barrels from hooks in his nose and lower back, a contortionist in a bottle, a surprisingly sexy guy doing lots of tricks hanging from two chains, and also using a big wheel! Lots of stunts in the air and high flying acrobatics etc. I saw a guy cut in half, a guy strangled, a womans throat slashed, and a poor midget who got his ass out and cock out a few times, before getting his hands cut off for sticking his dick in a hoover and dragging it around the room and then the poor guy finally got blown up with dynamite in a coffin and came back as a kenyan skeleton! =D
There was the ladder of death made up of five razor sharp samurai swords, fire eating and flash bangs galore, blood (and toilet waste ;)) flying everywhere, the Can-can, a man with extremely elastic skin, and a whole other assortment of crazy tricks and disappearing acts and wardens with whips that can do a LOT of damage xD
Oh, and a lady who can do some crazy shit with hula hoops! XD So not only was that amazing! but I also saw Smiley, Robin, Fat boy (who ate all the pies? :P) Chris, Postins, Pepsi, My big gay cousin and the even bigger and gayer guy from work whose name i dont actually know.
It feels so good when you see someone who you havent seen in a long time, all the hugs and stuff, and even better when you go straight back into hanging out like you did way back when. Which of course involved stealing Dans drink (and molesting the glass) boob grabbing (dear god robin, they have not gotten any smaller! xD) and generally being mean to gaz x] I also got myself some ice cream and a sexy Cirque D'Horreur tshirt :] Well good ^___^ Just what I needed man :] xxxxxx
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[01 Feb 2008|04:57pm] |
Especially for Rachel who wanted to catch up on the health issues =P <3
Cause my mum had breast cancer twice, once before the age of 40, and once last year and both times the cancer was oestrogen receptive the doctors told me that the pill im on may be feeding pre-cancerous cells in my body. They advised me to get screened, and after a consultation with my GP today he agrees that i need to be screened for carrying cancer cells cause Im considered "moderate to high risk".
So anyway, hes informed the geneticist that i need an consultation (hey and i get free therapy to deal with the implications too! O.o.. ¬.¬) and then theyll discuss my options once i get the results..
Party at mine.
lol. ghey.
Oh btw in other news, everything is pretty much kick ass around here. And now begins a month of parties and the like, half term and hopefully a visit from a very special friend who i havent seen in a loooong time. =D
Gangsta.
xxx Lenny xxx
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| Death is all around me it would seem.. |
[24 Jan 2008|06:17pm] |
His heart gave out, so now we can put him to rest.
Things hadnt been right with Uncle Phil for a long time (I have to admit, I always hear that said by Will Smith in my head...xD)
But he died yesterday at his home, born bred and died in Llanishen, or Thornhill if y'fancy.
When dad told me, I cried a little, a stupid amount, and I was done. I wasnt sure what I felt. I hadnt been that close to him recently due to the illness which did change him as a person and distance, but he was still Uncle Phil, so surely i should be more upset?
I tried to drop hints with one or two of my friends, to bring it up in order to trigger some feeling inside thatll make me cry. But they didnt seem to notice, or I didnt seem to have it in me. But no tears. Although I damn sure needed a hug.
I stayed up till 3 with dad just playing the wii, tried to talk to him about it but the right words failed me and i sounded all too cliché.
Today i managed to speak to martha about how i felt, and how i thought i should feel, and all the stupid stuff in my head leaving me feeling generally, quite wierd. I cried a little, and im holding back the tears now. I think the tears i have though are for dads loss of his brother... and although ill probably cry at the funeral, i dont know if im crying for me or not. I dont know how i feel about it all.
Also, i overheard dad say to Diedre that his friend had been giving three days to live.. I think he means the lady at the top of the road..
I need a hug..
and a stiff drink. Oceana, tonight, you are my temple. Im coming to worship.
x x x x
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| ^-^ |
[21 Jan 2008|07:28pm] |
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Ahh that weekend was just what I needed to revitalise myself and my outlook on the monotony of school. x]
It was just what the doctor ordered. I had an amazing time.
Met lots of new cool people =] spent some time with the loveliest getting to know them even more and generally just forgot about everything stressful and had a laugh.
Things went a tad funny on Saturday night but thankfully Ed was there as a great friend to rescue me =] Not quite sure what i wouldve done without him.
A lot happened during the weekend, hanging out at various peoples houses, driving round worthing for hours with the driving crew haha, going to Brighton for shopping, a samba band and Sweeney Todd =] and of course, visits to the beach. (Got wood? x])
And as i returned home with a fractured toe (from where mike had thought it would be a good idea to click my toes repeatedly.. xD) a bruised collar bone (from climbing out of a car window XD) and in need of a long nights sleep I was actually supremely happy =]
(oh and come to think of it, i probably had some form of mild concussion. But damnit it was an impressive mark i left xD)
So three weeks til half term? Bring it on ^_^
Even the bad weather and silly little squabbles cant pop my bubble just yet =]
(I just hope this bubble lasts :D)
xxx Lenny xxx
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[15 Jan 2008|09:39am] |
I feel sick, physically and mentally.
Physically every time i eat its like a fight to keep it down, and every time i dont eat its a fight not to pass out, and even then somehow i feel like im going to be sick. Stupid fucking body depresses me, i cant just eat normally? :@
Mentally i feel sick because i lost something of great value, and instead of it being where i left it, someone took it. I know its more my fault than theirs i guess for leaving it there, but i swear to god i checked that room before i left and i couldnt see anything left behind. It upsets me because it meant so much to me, and i dont know how i would tell the person who gave it to me all that time ago. It feels like ive had it an age now, and i cant think how or if i would tell that person that its gone. and i worry what they would say, and what they would feel. :( I just want it back with me.
I also hate the fact that i cant seem to get to sleep or wake up, its annoying me, its not that i dont care about being up for school, its that my body is having trouble waking up and falling asleep. I know its not as bad as when i had insomnia, but its pretty annoying.
But now some good stuff.. Hair getting done today :] Which is rather exciting for me id like to have you know XD and i love getting my hair done so its a win win situation.
Uh also, because i missed my taxi today i can now stay home and catch up on some work for tomorrow, and also be here when my spiffing new replacement phone comes in. God bless accidental damage insurance :D <3
And how could i forget, in only two days i shall be in the little old town of Worthing again, entertaining the masses :P
Or rather, hanging out with those smelly english people XD
Itll be good to get away from Cardiff and go see everyone i think, even though there are a few people in worthing who would probably prefer it if i stayed here, it is a well known fact you cant please everyone so ill try and please as many as i can xD
Things arent too bad overall i guess.. everything seems pretty normal, and apart from the one or two things i mentioned.. i really cant complain. Ive made some lovely new friends recently, gotten in touch with old ones, and seen some people for what they really are.
I just wish all this could be going on with my gift beside me. -.-
xxx Lenny xxx
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| Verbal Diarrhoea |
[09 Jan 2008|01:39pm] |
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Yay all done for my exams. Had one at 8:55 this morning and by 10:35 I was free. Gangsta.
I think it went alright, tbh i think i preferred the question on the summer paper, but then again, this time i had a better way of approaching it, a better and more practised technique with how to answer the questions.
Hopefully itll all work out, i know i didnt exactly fail the paper beforehand but i really want to get an A on Drama overall so that i can slide into Uni happily (i can dream right?) so this is my motivated effort to do so. Also, if we can make Masque work in our devised piece we really will kick ass. The enthusiasm of my teachers is really motivating and its giddying playing around with ideas, far better than last years attempt at a devised i think. I might even ask my admissions tutor to visit the performance if things do look set to do well because i hear Masque is really influential and as a skill in itself is highly regarded... Its an idea.
I realised ive been speaking a lot about college, and about stuff you probably dont care about too much.
So ill tell you this gem of advice, Year 12 boys are sometimes stronger than you think? Craig is actually rather strong under that hoody and i think he threw me on the floor too hard cause my ass is killing me now. Note to self: If im going to have play fights in Common, take a crash matt or something. My poor ass, i really cant sit quite right.. XD
Also.. Finally got my application sent off. I know its late lol. But its done, and to a good standard im hoping... So watch this space?
Ohh.. btw. I have a dilemma, i dont know whether to go into Student digs or not, what do you reckon? Im going to be staying in Cardiff so i could stay at home theoretically, but some people have been saying id be missing out. Help please?
xxxxx Lenny (really cant be bothered with Tescos tonight) xxxxx
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[02 Jan 2008|02:28pm] |
I do believe some people should grow the fuck up. Theyre preaching to everyone telling them to grow up but they should take a look at themselves in the mirror first! All the little bitchy comments and childish bullshit.
Grow the fuck up and come to my face and say it.
Dicks.
In other news, everything is going rather spiffingly in wales :D
New years eve was amazing at Meredys :] even though jon went a little far with his drunken antics. lol.
Christmas eve was lovely int George with my close peoples, and the days in between were lovely as well, and very lazy which is always welcomed with open arms ^_^
Going to worthing soon which should be well good :]
Photoshoot and some beauty stuff too, so that should be fun =]
annnddd... Um. yeah all pretty good. Except for that thing that keeps going through my head. I want to know what they think cause then it can be sorted out.. makes me want to go RAR RAR RAR.. and keeps me up at night ¬.¬
Enough of that though.
xx Lenny xx
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